Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Trouble Comes in Threes

Crime #1
Date: June 26, 2009
Location: front yard, Shaw/Packard residence, Upper Round Hill
Time : 7:25 AM
Perpetrater:passenger door, Hyundai Atas
Victim: Charles Packard's thumbkin, right hand,
Description: Rushing to get the front seat of the car on the way to school, Charles slammed the door of the perpetrator inadvertently onto the victim and let our a yell that everyone on this tiny island heard. Mother panic-tripped down a flight of stairs to his aid. But alas, the perpetrator refused to release the victim from its clenched jaws. The door simply refused open. Not from the inside, not from the outside. Not when the lock was violently pushed up and down several times. Not under shrieking threat of being torn off of its body. Mother further panicked, screaming for father. Father, seeing the drama from the kitchen window, searched frantically for a screwdriver with which to pry the door open. Mother began to sink in despair, certain her baby's thumb would soon be be severed off of his hand and he will have to be the first four-handed violinist or work as a circus clown for the rest of his life. To everyone's horror, father could not get the door open either. In desperation, he reached down and quickly yanked the victim out, thus saving thumbkin and, to his relief, his wife's poor, failing heart.
Mother is currently in recovery, and Charles and his victim have recovered. However, victim appears to be losing his helmet.

Crime #2
Date: June 29
location: Zeelandia beach, Sint Eustatius
Time: 2:14 PM
Perpetrator: a longboard named "Santa Cruz'
Victim: one Ethan Packard, age 14

Victim was on top of the perpetrator with permission from perpetrator, when perpetrator unexpectedly and ferociously flipped victim upside down in the ocean. Victim emerged from the water with a giant gash on his thigh, open to the bone. Victim was rushed immediately home where mother began her usual screaming routine. Victim taken to the hospital. Father drove, calm, as usual. Using the family vehicle ensured that they would arrive in 2 minutes rather than waiting the usual 30 minutes for the hospital "ambulance" (a beat-up pick-up truck, since the "real" ambulance is currently broken down, and there are circulating island rumors that certain folk of importance purchased a new ambulance on Ebay, but were scammed out of 50K, so there remains nothing but an old pick-up to pick up the dead and dying) . A doctor was called to meet us at the hostital since there were none at the hospital. Doctor Odonga arrived and did an excellent job at giving the victim approximately 15 stitches. Vicitm has recovered and appears happy to have his first stitches and a great story of surfing in the Caribbean to tell.

Crime #3
: June 30
Location: side porch, Upper Round Hill
Time: between 1 and 4 AM
Perpetrator: Unknkown
Victim: Edward Packard
Description: While vicitm was sleeping, his very nice bicycle was stolen from the residence. The car was also rummaged through, but nothing was stolen. Crime was reported to the police the next morning. Vicitm and spouse spent the following few days searching for the perpetrator. They posted fliers all over the town and spend much time talking with storekeepers and residents. The bike becamse the talk of the town (it's a very small town and the bike is a very distinguishable) and was so hot that apparently the perp couldn't hang onto it without risking jail time. Or, perhaps, they thought the Yankee was loaded and imagined a fat reward. A phone call to wife reported it "found" behind the police station. Since wife arrived without reward money, she arranged to meet the boy-caller, "Eric", at his home later. She came, along with the vicitm and three policemen. The boy "Eric" was acquitted, but not until he and his aunt and uncle spent an hour enraged at the victim and spouse for calling the police, and threatened lawsuit and accused, indirectly, the victims of racism and doing them wrong. Victim didn't care, and was enourmously relieved and LUCKY to have retrieved his bicycle, since this almost never happens on this island. A stolen bicycle is nearly always painted over or parts are pulled off of it and used elsewhere, or stored for 2 years until the student is gone.

And so, happily, this story has a happy ending.....

Officer Edwin, of the Dutch Politie, has become our friend


  1. Glad to see life going forth as usual with lots of excitement and stunts to keep you all busy! we wouldn't want you to get complacent or bored down there!

  2. It seems that life is very exciting for you! Lots of med students at the hospital from Saba John reports....You should come here for your rotations! :)